1. If it isn’t meant to be, let it go. If it becomes difficult let it go, which is exactly why I haven’t been in a relationship that’s lasted more than a month and haven’t spoken to my parents face to face in over four years.

2. Don’t be afraid to take time to find your passion. Life is long, don’t go through it without finding what you want. I’m forty and endlessly adrift. Stop telling me to “be realistic,” and “get a job,” dad, I’ll find myself any day now.

3. Appreciate the little things. Life can be stressful, and you sometimes have to take a stop and take a look at the little things. A little bird chirping outside, the nice decorations in your room, those two Ambien pills in your hand right now. Never be afraid to admire the world around you.

4. Carpe diem. Don’t be a pussy, if you feel like doing something do it, without any regard for the so-called consequences. If you feel like walking instead of taking the bus, go for it. If you want that donut, take it. If that shady friend of yours is telling you with just a 700-dollar investment you can get in on the ground level of an insurance company that specializes in meteor damages, do it. You can always pay rent some other time

5. Live life with a childlike sense of wonder. As we age, the light in our eyes goes out. Don’t let that be you, periodt. Run around, marvel at the sky, catch fireflies, get in that van, play hopscotch, whatever.

6. Never lower your expectations. At the end of the day, you’re only as good as you think you should be, so why not think you’re always the best? You deserve that McLaren, no back of the line for you, only the best service at all times. You deserve a big tiddy goth girlfriend, never mind that you haven’t showered in a week.