I bet you like The Office and The Weeknd. You had white bread toast for breakfast. Liking this cat because it’s popular and hangs around the Student Center may be mainstream, but it’s boring, just like you. Go outside and live a little. Maybe toss this fella a piece of your undercooked DCT chicken on your way there.

This cat is always chilling by itself in Asbury Circle. Do you scare away the people around you, or are you just lonely? Your top recommended video on YouTube is always “lofi chillhop beats to study/relax to” and has been for three years. This is your sign to try and go meet some new friends, or set up a Tinder account.

This cat spends so much time in the bushes in front of Cox Hall that some people don’t even know it exists, or that it wasn’t a rat. It’s literally the definition of a scaredy-cat. During Zoom classes you leave your camera off, but you still sit at your desk and take notes. You’re invited to parties, but never actually go. You wear a triple mask just to be extra sure you won’t get COVID when walking by yourself outside.

This cat is a showoff with a kind heart, and so are you. You definitely get better grades than the majority of your friend group, but never bring it up. People do take advantage of your generosity though, and you’re owed well over two-hundred dollars on Venmo for Ubers.

Look at this absolute dumbass cat about to fall off the side of the Student Center. The worst part is, this is you on a good night. You took the beginning of quarantine as an excuse to get into drinking and never gave it up. “Quarantine” is a strong word though; you’ve been going out every night since last April. Get your life back on track and pull yourself up from the side of the Student Center. You’re better than this.